2003-10-28

I totally was NOT going to update today. You are big kids now and dammit, sometimes you just have to hobble along without my guidance, as much as it pains me to turn my back on you: there will come a day when I won�t be here to tell you what is cool and what is not cool; what is fab and what is crap! Someday you�ll have to fend for yourselves in this big scary world! I know it�s hard to understand, but that�s the way it is. Anyway, today was going to be a tough-love day, wherein I diligently bent my shoulder to the wheel of my workaday world and turned a deaf ear to the siren call of online journaling. But I get all weirdly guilty and fucked up when I ignore my self-imposed regimen of quotidian updates; this is especially weird considering how happily I ignore any and all of my other self-imposed regimens: regular exercise, healthy diet, not kicking people in the face, and so forth. But it is not weird at all when you consider the main motivating force in my psyche; the Primum Mobile of my soul: namely, validation. In my bizarre funhouse-mirror-distorted conception of reality, I am totally convinced that if I let a day pass without producing some meagre offering, some humble nugget of humour, you will all immediately forget about me and move on to bigger and better things; and I will find myself without the approbation of a faceless crowd of strangers, causing me to shrivel up and vanish in a puff of insecurity. Therefore, I give the appearance of having a modicum of self-discipline, which is laughably not the case, as is painfully apparent to anyone who has ever been in my room a week after laundry day and witnessed the sad, wrinkled pile of as-yet-unsorted clean socks; a rumpled testament to my mighty sloth.

So, an entry it is. An entry about writing entries. How Meta.