2003-10-27

Sit up and pay attention, you! Because you are about to say �Oh my god.� Or perhaps even �Oh my FUCKING god,� because my sister�s friends are JUST THAT FUCKING RETARDED AND HORRIBLE.

After a relaxing evening of Fulci films, I retired to my bedchamber Friday night alone in my apartment (yes, like a big, fat, no-life-having loser. Thank you. Yes), my sister having effed off hours since for bars unknown. At about three in the morning, I was suddenly wide-fucking-awake, because I distinctly heard someone walking across the creaky floorboards in my bedroom. I opened my eyes to see a STRANGE MAN STANDING OVER MY BED.

Weirdly, my first reaction was not, as it should have been, �abject fucking terror�: it was more like �peevish indignation.�

�Who the fuck are you?� I said.

�Sorry,� said the strange form looming over me.

�What the fuck are you doing in my room?�

�Sorry. Sorry. It�s James.� (One of my sister�s coworkers-cum-fuck-buddies. No pun intended. Ew. Yes, that�s right, I said one of.)

�What the FUCK are you doing IN MY FUCKING ROOM?�

�Sorry. I was looking for [Sister].�

�Get the fuck out of my room, please. And get the fuck out of my apartment, too. [Sister] isn�t here. Fuck.�

�Sorry.�

�FUCK!�

I may have said this before, but WHAT THE FUCK. This asshole has been in the apartment � in my sister�s room, no less � several times. This means that he should know where the fuck that room is by now, especially since the light was on in the hallway. It does NOT mean that he has carte blanche to come waltzing into the apartment or any of the rooms therein in the dead of night. I tell you what, I am sick and tired of losing beauty rest because of the nefarious antics of my sister�s gentlemen friends. Jesus Christ, where does she find these freaks? It�s like living in a short-bus frat house.