2003-06-10

Last night while I was out walkin� my bitch, some chick on a bus shouted something at me out the window. It could have been either �You suck!� or �Nice dog!� I wasn�t sure which, so I flipped her the bird for good measure. That�s my standard tack when it comes to all drive-by shoutings. As someone who has previously had a mohawk, and who continues to have big big freaky tattoos, I find that comments expressed at high velocity via car windows tend to be of a derogatory nature.

I am admittedly a little fast and loose with the middle finger. But hey � who�s going to stop and kick the tar out of me? I have big big freaky tattoos! And I�m walking a Rottweiler!

�Who, by the way, isn�t proving to be quite the guy magnet I might have hoped. My neighborhood is home to a few fine-looking young gentlemen, and you�d think they would be all about stopping to pet such a macho specimen of dogflesh. Kara, however, seems to have a finely tuned radar for attractive males. When she senses one coming, she immediately stops and takes a giant, stinking crap, which isn�t great for my PR. It�s next to impossible to look fetching whilst scooping up feces in a plastic bag. �Well hey there, sexy boy! I know what you�re thinking � �Is that a big bag of excrement in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?��

Really, it does boggle the mind that I�m still single.