2003-05-21

My boss is still sick. STILL. Man, I haven�t missed that much work due to illness since�well, ever. I don�t get sick. I get �sick�. Case in point: this Friday. Having used all my vacation time to go to the UK, I sense I will develop in the wee hours of Friday morning an acute �migraine� that can only be cured by hopping on a plane and flying to New York City (we�ve all had one of those at some point, haven�t we? Nasty fuckers). This does leave my coworkers in a bit of a bind, but FUCK OFF, I�ve been doing two jobs for a week and a half.

And speaking of my job, the government is finally leaping into the new millennium and having Outlook Express installed on everyone�s computers. Right now we�re all using Beyondmail, which was created in the Stone Age by a company that no longer exists, and is the electronic equivalent of two tin cans and a string.

Anyway, keeping up with the Joneses, or at least pulling close enough to choke on their exhaust fumes, requires that all employees undergo rigorous training. I get to spend tomorrow morning � the whole morning � learning how to use Outlook. �Learning.� Who the fuck doesn�t know how to use Outlook Express? You�d have to be blind, deaf, and living in a disused sewer pipe not to have a working knowledge of Outlook. On top of that, a catatonic chimpanzee could figure out how to use it in five minutes. Of course, your average government employee occupies an intellectual stratum slightly below that of a catatonic chimpanzee, so there you go. I anticipate spending much time tomorrow morning rolling my eyes violently while my co-trainees sniff their mousepads and scratch themselves. Perhaps that migraine won�t be quite as fictitious as I�d hoped.