2003-11-10

This morning I had to bust my butt for three hours scrambling to find information to prep the Minister for a phone interview. Much to my intense irritation, I found I couldn�t log on to the online tracking system, meaning that I didn�t have access to the entire departmental database of briefing documents. Curses! I called the help desk, and, during the course of the call, mentioned in passing that I�d recently moved from my old job up to the Minister�s office, thinking that I perhaps needed to have my profile updated. The �help� technician promptly deleted my account.

�I�ll have to create a new account, because of the licensing agreements,� she explained, �help�-fully.

�Well, I need to get into the system right away,� I said.

�Unfortunately, creating an account takes a couple of days,� she replied.

I wasn�t feeling very helped at this point. I was forced to whip out the big guns.

�I�m sorry,� I said, �but that�s not acceptable. I need to have access to the system within the hour.�

She got huffy. �Well, we have procedures we have to follow.�

�I understand that,� I snitted. �But it�s absolutely imperative that I be able to do research right now.�

�There�s nothing I can do.�

�I have an information request from the Minister,� I said. �She has a phone interview in two hours and I need to do research.�

Then I kept using the words �MINISTER�S OFFICE� until she cried and did what I told her. Ha ha! I am drunk on power! Ha ha! I said �absolutely imperative�!

You know, I�ve heard it said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But I prefer to think of it this way: you can bash more maggots with a hammer than you can with a feather duster.