2003-11-05

Since my sister has become fiscally viable again, she�s been bingeing on the bling. Her latest impractical investment is about a hundred dollars� worth of J-Lo Brand beauty products: cologne, moisturizer, shower gel and, I don�t know, ass cream or something. MY APARTMENT REEKS OF J-LO. Stuff is nasty. I don�t know what block Ms. Lo is from, but it�s smack in the middle of stankville. I just hope the smell isn�t lingering on my clothes. I don�t want that fucker Ben Affleck sniffing around my tail.

Topic switch! Insert segue here.

My boss keeps inviting me out to various political and press soir�es. This is indisputably cool, as is reading about my coworkers in the newspaper; however, I don�t really have the crucial mingling savvy necessary for such functions. I�m not much of a schmoozer � I�m more of a lurk-drunkenly-in-the-corner-and-make-snide-remarks�er. So, unfortunately, my career as a political debutante will be nipped in the bud by my social recalcitrance. Sad. I could have made a real splash in the salons of Ottawa this season with my devilish insouciance. Not to mention my ability to shotgun a can of Labatt 50 in under ten seconds. Keepin� it real, baby!