2003-07-18

I received an extremely heart-wrenching e-mail yesterday from a Ms. Suzan Adel. Apparently the poor soul is an orphan! Her father was a �highly reputable busnness magnet� � just couldn�t KEEP him off that business, I guess! � and since her �mother died when [she] was just 4 years old,� her father �took [her] so special.� Isn�t that touching? No, I mean literally � isn�t that TOUCHING, as in �Daddy, don�t touch me there�? Can�t think what else she means by that last sentence. Anyway, my friend Suzan apparently has some money in an African bank account that she can�t access since the mysterious death of this, uh, doting father, and she needs my help. Gosh, what a stirring tale. I�m going to e-mail her right away, just as soon as I�m finished losing twenty pounds in two weeks and enlarging my penis (how did they know?!?).

PS: Ha ha!