2003-05-13

A pox on car alarms! They are the scourge of modern society! And an extra-specially oozy and itchy pox on the fuckass fuckface whose car alarm went off for half a FUCKING HOUR outside my window last night at four in the FUCKING MORNING, causing my built-in Idiot Alarm to go off and send a resounding deluge of profanity flowing like a river of sewage from my mouth. �OK, now I have a mental image of a river of sewage coming out of my MOUTH, and that�s just fucking gross, so again I say FUCK YOU, you limp-dicked anonymous car owner!

It�s always the crappy cars that have the big fancy alarm systems, too; as though thieves are circling like vultures, just waiting for that chance to make off with a rusty 1987 Ford Capri. Fuck. Save your money, dude. You should really leave the keys in the ignition, the door open, and a plate of brownies on the seat. Then maybe you�ll be able to collect enough insurance money to buy yourself a fucking clue.