2003-04-15

As the lovely-and-talented Jeremy would say, glargle! I am trying to fuck the dog, but that dog, she is fucking me back! I guess I�ve got to earn my fun. I�m still in charge of the monkey pen here at work. My boss has apparently contracted the fucking Bubonic Plague, or something. She did manage to drag her sorry, germ-infested self into work yesterday, which means that a) I only get extra pay for last week, since acting pay only kicks in after three consecutive days, and b) I�ve been exposed to her crazy microbial petting zoo � among other things, she�s being tested right now for MONO. Gosh, thanks for that little going-away gift! Hello, sexy British boys! Would you care to sample my viral smorgasbord? Thought not.

Much to my mystification, I had flowers delivered to my apartment today. Is some dashing gent out there enamoured of my charms? Fucking NO. It was my parents, apparently trying to fuck with my brain. The card is addressed to my sister and me, with the words �Love, Mom and Dad.� The weird part is that it�s an ANNIVERSARY card, which leads me to believe that a) the flower shop fucked up the card, or b) my parents have started smoking pot. (Boy, I�m all about point form today, ain�t I?) I hope it�s option �b�. They need to loosen up. I still can�t figure out why the hell they�d send us flowers � I presume they�re for Easter, but that�s also kinda odd since they know I�m a big fat hedonistic Pagan, and, well, who gives a shit about Easter anyway? Some hippie Rabbi came back from the dead two thousand years ago? Say it with flowers! Not in my family, dude.