2003-03-11

OK, you�ve all seen MTV�s �Becoming�, right? For any of you who�ve missed this groundbreaking television oeuvre, the gist is that a contestant (I don�t know if they audition or enter their names in a fucking draw or what) is selected to �become� their favourite pop star. Sadly, this doesn�t involve cool plastic surgery in the style of Face/Off (THEN we�d have a show! Especially if they then had to fight it out in a ring, gladiator-style, to decide who got to be the REAL Justin Timberlake! Fox, are you listening?). It doesn�t involve anything like �becoming� in a literal sense: they get to dress up like said pop star and lip-synch along to their music in a direct copy of one of the star�s videos.

So basically this is glorified karaoke, with a few fringe benefits like a night in a fancy hotel or something. Whatever. I can see this being fun, you know, if you�re into crappy music and humiliating yourself. What I don�t get is the delirious, eyes-rolled-back-in-the-head, frothing-at-the-mouth excitement on the part of the �winners�. Guess what, kid! You get to play dress up! You are in no way forming any sort of association with your made-to-order idol. Furthermore, the asshole of your eye does not CARE that you are �becoming� them (although I imagine the whole assembly-line process is eerily reminiscent of the way the pop stars �became� themselves). They did not hand-pick you from the squawking herd of wanna-be Mini-Britneys. They are not even marginally personally invested in this sad debacle of media-sponsored stalking. They get paid to write you a pathetic little note, pretending they don�t hold you in barely-registered contempt.

Sadly, this is not the kind of reasoning to which an average �Becoming� winner can aspire. I watched part of the episode where a girl got to �become� Pink. It was so awful I was genuinely embarrassed for her. She was CRYING. She did this whole spiel about how honoured she was to be chosen, and how she would try her best to make Pink proud of her. Yes, you moron. Pink is proud of you. If by �proud� you mean �afraid�. Maybe you should trade in your fancy new clothes for some dignity. Or at the very least, HALF A BRAIN.