2003-02-17

This weekend was a study in excess. I swear I�m still hung over from Saturday�s bender, which was an unadvisable follow-up to Friday�s bender. My mind is completely atrophied. I�ve given whole legions of brain cells a rather undignified burial at sea over the past few days. Trying to form coherent thoughts feels like trying to scoop sand with a sieve. Really, I shouldn�t even be boring you with this sad excuse for an entry. But I wanted to share with you a few little gems of wisdom that I have taken to heart over the course of the weekend�s festivities. First, dancing is not a good idea when your motor skills have degenerated to the point where conveying a pint glass to your face has become a serious challenge. Someone is liable to get hurt. Even if the DJ plays �This Is Not A Love Song� by P.I.L., �Wave of Mutilation� by the Pixies and �How Soon is Now� by the Smiths all in a row. Resist the urge. Secondly, capping off the evening with Jagermeister shooters is NEVER a good idea. Do you really need four shots of hard liquor at three in the morning? What can possibly be gained, other than a massive influx of self-loathing the following day? Although the words �No, I don�t want a free shooter� taste bitter as poison on the tongue, learn to say them (without bursting into laughter and saying �Yeah, that�ll be the day� immediately afterwards, preferably).