2003-02-10

�I forgive you, honey, and I know you�re in there�because I can smell your BRAAAAAAIINNS!�

Freddy, Return of the Living Dead

Greetings. My Friday night went precisely according to specification. On a completely unrelated matter, I have a bruise on my head and no idea where I got it. Hmm.

Believe it or not, when my friend went outside to use the bank machine Friday night sometime after our second pitcher of KLB Ale, he found twenty bucks on the ground. Our money mojo is still working, baby. Someone up there likes us. Or, hates us, depending on how you view cirrhosis of the liver.

Anyway. At one point during the evening I became involved in a lively discussion with five complete strangers about whether zombies could actually pose a genuine threat to civilization. This is an important issue, folks. It is also indicative of how disgustingly fucking drunk I was.

To continue on that line of thought, and to maintain my stance that no hangover is complete without some live-brain-eating action, I rented Return of the Living Dead on Saturday. Now. I�ve made my views on the zombie menace clear in the past. However, I make an exception for the ROTLD zombie. ROTLD zombies are a particularly virulent strain, and they will kick your everlovin� ass, motherfuckers. The fuckers are fast. And they can learn (calling for backup on the police radio after eating the occupants of a squad car, for example). And they CANNOT BE STOPPED by the usual method of decapitation. You can grind those mothers into meat confetti and the bits will (amusingly) swarm you like a Biblical fucking plague. The most frightening characteristic of a ROTLD zombie, though, must be their ability to clearly enunciate the words �Live brains!� despite having no lips. Creepy.