2003-02-04

God help me, I�ve started watching Joe Millionaire. I feel so�soiled. I�ve always maintained that I HATE so-called �reality TV�, because it has nothing whatsoever to do with �reality� in any sense of the word and is basically just a big fat scam that TV producers created so they can roll around naked in the huge greasy piles of cash they�re saving by not paying professional actors. And Joe Millionaire? Shit. When they started airing the promo spots, I would yell at the TV every time I saw one. What fucking pap. They�re perpetuating this awful stereotype of women as materialistic whores, and then fucking over the half-wit participants for ratings.

But oh, how funny it is. I can�t help myself. I haven�t laughed so hard in ages. Evan is about as swift and as sharp as a whiffle ball. And watching these pathetic gold-diggers falling over themselves trying to get in his addle-brained good graces is pure hysteria. One contestant, over a �romantic� dinner, mused that if she had a lot of money she�d probably travel to a developing nation and �bathe their children.� BWAHAHA! She�s like Mother fucking Theresa with a loofah sponge, that one. Then she said �I�m mercenary like that.� Oh my God, stop. You�re fucking killing me, lady. So you hose down underprivileged children for profit? If my guidance counselor had only told me that was a career option! I�d be in Uganda with �Beauticians Without Borders� right now. Evan�s grunt-over questioned her sincerity. Well, Evan, I think she�s dead serious. She�s as mercenary as they come. She�s got more teat showing than a dairy cow.

And Evan�s little moral crisis last night was priceless. �I�m, uuuhhh, feeling really bad about, uhhh, lying to these girls. It�s, like, eating my brain.� Well, something has certainly been at it. I thought maybe it was termites. I love how he called up the producers in the middle of the night to have a heart-to-heart about his dilemma. I�m sure they were very sympathetic. Right after they pulled out a dictionary, opened it to the word �contract�, waited patiently while he mouthed the words, closed the dictionary, and bashed him with it right across his sloping brow.