2003-01-27

I enjoyed a relatively tranquil weekend, as my sister and Spank Monkey spent the whole time in Cornwall taking advantage of the fact that his parents were away (you know it�s true love when you hear those eight little words: �Hey baby � my parents are out of town�).

On Friday I learned the valuable life lesson that half a pint of ice cream and half a litre of white wine do NOT amiable gastrointestinal companions make. It�s totally unfair being not disgustingly drunk and yet still wanting to hurl on a Friday night.

Saturday I agreed to go see the band �Disco Inferno� at Barrymore�s. I�m not sure why. I�ve seen them before and they annoyed the living hell out of me then. Whenever I�m not exposed to it, I conveniently forget that my disco-tolerance threshold is extremely low, and that my standard survival tactic of quaffing pints as though a panel of frat jocks was rating me on form has the counterproductive effect of making me surly and extremely vocal about the suckiness of the musical fare. The bar was packed with forty-somethings, all shrilly trying to relive the glory days of their youth. I don�t know � I think that if wearing a gold lam� tube top and doing the Hustle was the highlight of your life, you should probably just Hustle right out in front of a bus.

Inevitably, the band did a Very Special Bee Gees cover, in honour of whatsisname kicking it last week. Guess he had some trouble with the �Stayin� Alive.� Snerk.

Adding injury to insult, �Disco Inferno� was infernally loud. I�m sorry, but if I�m going to do irrevocable damage to my eardrums, it�s not going to be done listening to Earth Wind and Fire covers. I�m not goin� down like that, motherfuckers! Fuck you and your feather boas! So, after about twenty minutes of sneering at the bellbottomed yuppies careening around the dance floor like hydrocephalic spider monkeys, I cut my losses (eight fucking bucks, to be precise) and buggered off for greener pastures. Fortunately, the Fiftymen were playing the Dominion, so I soothed my harried spirit with their sideburn-y goodness and stunted my hearing as the good Lord intended.