2003-01-13

First things first: props, along with various grateful and vaguely pornographic sentiments, to Uncle Bob for the kind mention. As Nietzsche would say, you�re the man!

Those of you who have the good fortune to live outside the Arctic Circle should count your blessings, and put �I don�t have to harness a team of Malamutes to get to work� first on that list. I looked out my window this morning and remarked that the snow was actually falling horizontally. You�d think that this little gravitational snafu would prevent any of the accursed crap from landing, but no such luck. I had to slog through like fifty fucking feet of the shit on my way to the bus stop, making my trip to work disturbingly reminiscent of a scene from Alive; and continuing in that line of thought, Ottawa drivers can bite my ass. I don�t care what kind of hurry you�re in, the fact that I�ve got a three-foot snowdrift IN MY HAIR trumps it, so back the fuck off, fuckers, because I�ve got the right of way and I�m not afraid to use it. Hell, I was almost wishing that some non-shoulder-checking fuckbag WOULD hit me � at least I�d get a day off work and grounds for litigation, which is better than I�d hoped for on a Monday. At any rate it would have been more pleasant than having to slice open and crawl inside one of my fellow commuters, which was looking like a distinct possibility for a while there at the bus stop. Trying to find a way to stay warm would have been a good idea too.

Of course now that I�ve practically run the goddamn Iditarod to get here, I�ve received a steady flow of e-mails alerting me that most of the managers will be staying home today, basking in the warm glow of their own mindless indolence. I guess I�ll have to put off that killing spree I had planned � I�d hate for them to miss it.