2004-01-23

As expected, yesterday�s flirtation with fitness brought nothing but heartache. And by �heart,� of course I mean �ass.� It�s all over but the waddling. I feel as though I�ve been kicked in places where there should be only love, babies. Also, I was stymied by my clownish lack of coordination: at one point the bike pedals totally got away from me. You heard right � I lost control of a bike with no wheels. Stellar, no? It�s a good thing I don�t drive, or it would be carnage a go-go.

Here at work, they have me updating the unit�s work plan, which is a document so colossally useless it should be filed under �comic relief.� Every year we sit everyone down and have them list off what activities they perform on a daily basis, and the expected outcomes of these activities. (Not included: �Surf net. Goal: distraction, mental.�) I suppose the idea is that every employee will keep a laminated copy of the completed document above their desks, so in case of sudden mental lapse, they can refer to it to determine exactly what it is they�re supposed to be doing. I figure that if people can�t remember their own goddamn jobs from one day to the next, they�re going to need a lot more help than a crappy Word printout can provide; but hey, what do I know? A quick reference shows me that �thinking� is not listed on my work plan.