2002-12-11

Why are only male news anchors allowed to be ugly? I don’t want to get on some sort of quasi-feminist rant here (sorry, I only do petulant, nonsensical and/or offensive rants), but the gender discrepancy in this case is painfully obvious. Sometimes more painful than others, like last night, for example, when my eyeballs turned completely around and retreated a foot inside my skull at the sight of Global Television’s on-site reporter. Geee-aaaahd. The guy looked like a parade float, for fuck’s sake. His head was hydrocephalicious. It was HUGE. A fair-sized biplane could have safely performed an emergency landing on his forehead. And one of his eyebrows was, seriously, like WAY further up the freakishly deformed cranium than the other. I’d say there was at least a four-hour time zone difference between them. I’ll concede that such a malformed creature SHOULD be in the public eye, but in less of a journalistic capacity and more of a “two bits a gander,” traveling-sideshow kind of way. I can only imagine how the ad for his job must have read: “Experienced investigative journalist needed. Affinity for large bells, gargoyles, and nubile gypsy women an asset.”