2004-07-25

Fun fun funnest parts of my job:

Scooping cigarette butts out of the sink with my bare hands. Also, picking gum out of ashtrays with my bare hands � or any task, really, that is rendered additionally disgusting by the specification of having to be performed with my bare hands (for instance, touching the customers).

Becoming intimately familiar with Britain�s HOTTEST DANCE HITS! (as advertised by our histrionic DJ) to the point of realizing, to my profound horror, that I�ve been inadvertently singing along.

Watching customers dirty dancing to �Ice Ice Baby�. Oh wait � that is kind of fun, in a non-sarcastic sense. A very special mention goes out to the middle-aged woman in a spandex miniskirt who attempted to moonwalk to �Billie Jean�.

Which brings me to my point: who the fuck are these people? Whence originates this endless parade of screaming skanks, tottering around in spiky heels and backless (and sometimes, frontless) tops trying to impress gormless, leering goons in tight jeans and football jerseys? As my delightfully misanthropic coworker pointed out, we really seem to have pinned down the �retards and rejects� demographic.

More gems from this particular coworker:

�Have you seen the hen night party wandering around with T-shirts reading �foxy� and �sexy�? I want to know if the person who gave them those shirts is wearing one that says �liar�.�

�Whatever would we do if this place burned to the ground? The top segment of Manchester�s population would be totally wiped out! It would be a devastating blow to elite society.�

�Is there a sign outside the door saying �You must be at least this stupid to enter�?�

At least I know there�s someone out there who hates humanity, or at least this particular club-hopping cross section of it, as much as I do. It truly is a comfort.

And with that, I�m off to London! Don�t wait up.