2003-08-15

We'll wait for the blackout
The light is too bright
We'll wait for the blackout
Wait for the night

The Damned

Come sit on my knee, children, and I�ll tell you about the Great Blackout of Aught-Three. I�ll have to embellish a bit, however, because Ottawans are fucking PUSSIES, and there wasn�t the least bit of raping and pillaging to be had last night.

Naturally, when shit went down I kept my wits about me and quickly surmised that circumstances could be turned to my advantage: to wit, I�d been provided with a completely legitimate excuse to get fucked up on a weeknight. I immediately jammed six beers down my gullet. Fortunately, I was fully prepared for any emergency, having a decent stash of beer in the apartment � British ale, no less, which didn�t suffer greatly for being somewhat lacking in refrigeration. When that ran out, I ventured bravely forth into the night. I was hoping for a scene of anarchistic mayhem, with looting and rioting and the rest of it, but was treated to a load of Norman Rockwell bullshit � people gathering on their candlelit porches, calling out greetings to passers-by, merrily dividing up their emergency beer rations. Assholes.

Upon arriving at the Byward Market, I discovered that Zaphod�s, for some reason, has a generator. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is how seriously we take drinking here in Canada. We�ll close our hospitals before we close our fucking pubs. Luckily I had some cash in my wallet and so didn�t have to pawn my ass for beer money; and I got to sit in the dark and drink chilled lager almost as though nothing was amiss.

You can imagine my chagrin upon awakening to find the power back on. I�m here at work with a mild-to-middling hangover, cursing the efficiency of the hard-working�electricity�people, who undoubtedly slaved through the night to get everything working again. What, they couldn�t wait until, say, noon, like civilized people? They�re fucking UNION, for Chrissakes.

Anyway, I�m off to Toronto for the weekend. Catch you on the flipside. Except that I didn�t actually just use the phrase �catch you on the flipside.� Apparently there�s a blackout in my brain. Adieu.