2003-08-13

I�m not feeling totally up to an ordered presentation of ideas today, so I present for your perusing pleasure a Smorgasbord of Random Stuff.

First of all, LB would like to know exactly how I managed to lock myself out of my room yesterday. Well, that�s none of your damn business.

I kid. Here�s a quick recap of the latest episode of Robin is a Fucking Idiot. My room is FUCKING HOT at night, because, as I may have mentioned, Ottawa these days is a cross between a greenhouse and the seventh circle of Hell. I have a door in my room leading to the fire escape, but I couldn�t open it for fresh air because my animals would take the opportunity to perform an homage to Homeward Bound, only with more traffic deaths. The bedroom door didn�t shut properly, so I couldn�t lock them out. However, someone very kindly repaired the doorknob for me this weekend, so I�ve been sleeping with the door to the fire escape wide open � I figure that rapists just have it so darn hard these days, what with the breaking and the entering, and the grabbing in darkened alleys. Why not just give them a break? Anyway, in my enthusiasm for recklessly opening and closing the bedroom door, I neglected to observe that said door, in fact, LOCKS, leading to a lot of panicked rattling and pushing on the door yesterday morning. I was freaking out until my sister sleepily observed that I could easily just go around the back of the building and get in via the fire escape, like a potential rapist. Duh.

Moving on. My wanton use of the word �retard� was bound to lead to backlash someday. Today is not that day. However, here is some mail I received this morning from my Special Friend J, which ought to light a fire under the tight asses of any potential finger-shakers:

Dear Robin-lady,

I speak on behalf of the army of the handicapped. We must wage war every day against the hordes of The Cruel. This includes you and your anti-Retard site. Do you know what it means to wage war? War waging is a tough racket especially when you�re fucking retarded. No one will fall in line and everyone just wants to hug one another. It�s a hard life. An uphill climb. If Sisyphus had been retarded he would probably have remarked, �I love you, Big Mr. Rock�. If this seems rambling it's because typing with your teeth really does derail your train of thought...

Ha ha!

And, in conclusion, here�s an example of what I do all day at work. Hooray for Photoshop.