2003-03-19

That settles it � I�m outta here. Towelphaser, Stormyclaude and I are fleeing this backed-up privy of a civilization for the wilderness of northern Ontario. Towelphaser figures that when the shit hits the fan in a World War Three kinda way, and the US decides to annex Canada for REAL instead of just doing it culturally by flooding our airwaves with Kelly Osbourne videos and reruns of Miami Vice, they won�t bother with the northern bits. I can�t imagine who would, really � apart from musk-ox ranchers, perhaps. I think Canada ended up with all this land by default, because no colonial superpower worth their salt mines would have anything to do with a billion acres of permanently frozen tundra. The only part of Canada that�s even marginally habitable is that narrow slice right above the 49th parallel, which covers approximately the same square mileage as DesMoines.

I figure we can start a gang of renegade bikers, tearing around the post-apocalyptic wasteland siphoning gas and taking errant Qu�becois survivalists as sex slaves. Anyone else who�s into bikes and gang-bangs is welcome to come help warm up my log cabin.