2003-01-21

Boy, do I feel like fresh-squeezed crap today. Funny thing � whenever I start the evening off drinking cider, it always ends�loudly. My lovely friend and I came to the conclusion last night that closing the bar on a weeknight was absolutely the thing to do. In retrospect, I�m a bit hazy on the logic of that particular plan, but I�m confident there was perfectly sound reasoning behind it.

A birthday celebration came stumbling into the pub somewhere in the neighborhood of eleven o�clock, and despite the fact that we didn�t actually KNOW the birthday boy, this somehow led to free shooters for us. Hey, mine is not to question. The man of the hour had a map of the world printed on his shirt, and it might be indicative of the general spirit of things to note that we considered giving him a geography quiz every five minutes to be the apex of hilarity. �Hey � where�s Antarctica?" "Hey � when you lean over, I can see Belgium!� Oh ha HA.

Somewhere along the line I decided to play cupid for my friend, which I proceeded to do with all the subtlety and finesse of a steamroller. My romantic advice, as I fuzzily recall, went along the lines of �Just go stick your tongue in his mouth! He�s very cooperative! Just go! DO IT!� I think I should start one of those write-in columns. It�s obvious I have a gift for this sort of thing.