2002-12-09

Yeah, so they make Pepsi in blue now. Is anyone else as excited about this as I am - that is to say, not at all? Thought so. I'd like to find a single person who was so chuffed at this news that they ran out and bought a case of the syrupy ass juice, just so I could do the human race a favour and have them sterilized. Although I'm sure I needn't bother, as drinking that noxious crap will most likely have the same effect.

Marketing executives really don't give consumers in general much credit for having intelligence beyond that possessed by your average garden tool, do they? I love how we're constantly being sold the same damn thing with a new package. Or with a change to the product so completely idiotic it should instantly put the company out of business - like Pert Plus, whose whole marketing gimmick IN THE FIRST PLACE was that it's a shampoo and conditioner in one (hooray, hooray, because it's SO INCONVENIENT to take the extra TWO MINUTES out of my busy life to fucking condition my hair), and which is now being made a hoopla over because it's finally available as SEPARATE shampoo and conditioner. So basically they've eliminated the single reason why anyone would want to buy their crap product. Well, here, take my three bucks, please! Lord knows you'll need it to buy a cup of coffee to keep you warm while you wait in line to collect unemployment, you dumb fucks.

Hee. I just got back from yet another grating office birthday celebration. The unfortunate victim of this particular wing-ding got the most ass-ugly gift I've ever seen. It's a snow globe�and a music box�all in one! (It's Sno Globe Plus!) It's in the shape of a snowman, standing on a ceramic base cleverly rendered to look like glittery new-fallen snow (complete with glued-on rainbow glitter), with a charming little snowman family cavorting in the snowstorm in its belly. And to top it off, when you wind it up it plays "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". Oh, DO you now. If that were true, you wouldn't make crap that Helen Keller wouldn't put on her mantel, now would you?