2004-07-01

I’m really living the life of the unemployed now, lounging around in my pajamas until mid-afternoon and familiarizing myself with late-late-late-night TV programming. The ‘Shouldn’t You Be Asleep By Now’ feature film the other night was Crimson Pirate. Brilliant! Starring: Burt Lancaster’s Package. Also starring: Burt Lancaster’s Frightening Pompadour. Featuring: Burt Lancaster in drag, on a donkey cart. Also featuring much capering about in striped knee breeches, proving my assertion that capering is best performed in skin-tight pants – observe, for example, the Toreador pant, and the Lederhosen. And also, the Village People. I’m not sure exactly why tailored pantaloons so greatly facilitate the capering experience: I think it has to do with ease of movement, and enhanced groinal showcasing. I’m thinking of applying for a government grant to study the phenomenon. Or maybe I’ll just GET A FUCKING JOB. Argh!

Oh, I think perhaps it is Canada Day today. Yay Canada! and so forth. I’m not homesick yet, although there are certain things I miss, like 24-hour convenience stores. The closest thing I can find to 24-hour service in this neighborhood, besides the ubiquitous curry take-aways, is a nearby funeral parlour that offers, confusingly, ‘Day and Night Funerals’; which would naturally come in very handy when you’re in a pinch and need a memorial service at 2 AM. Sadly, my nocturnal desires for flapjacks are not so easily fulfilled (probably for the best, sayeth my ass).