2004-05-19

This is the end of normal! Tonight is the first in a series of fare-thee-well soir�es at the pub; tomorrow my parents are back in town for the long weekend following their whirlwind tour of Qu�bec; next week is my last week on the job (with all that entails: clearing out my desk, finishing projects, hiding sheep eyeballs around the office, etc. etc.); then I�ve got a few days off to pack and make final arrangements, and then, voil�! I�m in England, easy as that.

I realize that your lives are flaccid and dull compared to mine, but unfortunately, for the next while, I won�t be able to break that sad monotony with daily posts. You�ll just have to muddle along without my quotidian offerings of wisdom. I really will try to keep up with this as much as I can, but right now I�m feeling up to my neck in complete insanity; and for once, the source is outside my own head.

What�s making me happy, though, is the long list of things I won�t miss about this job: the woman in the adjacent cubicle, for example, who laughs like she�s practicing Lamaze while stoned on PCP. The guy in the cubicle next to hers, who argues on the phone constantly with his girlfriend/mother of his unplanned child (oops!). The tech support guy who shows up to work at least once a week in overalls, despite the fact that he is neither a house painter nor a toddler. My anti-ergonomic chair, which lurks in my office like Kato on wheels, waiting to spring out and attack my defenceless spine every morning.

Also on that list: office farewell luncheons. I�m already gritting my teeth in anticipation of the final indignity of being dragged to some dingy, mediocre restaurant (vegan menu option? Yum, salad!) and forced to answer the question, �Are you excited?� yet another eight-point-five BILLION times. (�No. I move overseas all the time. Did it just last week, in fact.�)

Anyway, here�s a lurid confession to make you realize just how much of a creep I am and thus miss me less during my impending semi-absence: I just got back from drinking a nice cup of tea outside in the sunshine. (But wait! There�s more!) When I had just sat down, a huge nasty bug did a kamikaze dive right into my boiling hot tea. Not even remotely fazed, I scooped out the expired insect with my fingers (ow hot ow!) and calmly drank the tea. It was like Survivor on a park bench. I�m disgusting.