2004-05-19

This is the end of normal! Tonight is the first in a series of fare-thee-well soirées at the pub; tomorrow my parents are back in town for the long weekend following their whirlwind tour of Québec; next week is my last week on the job (with all that entails: clearing out my desk, finishing projects, hiding sheep eyeballs around the office, etc. etc.); then I’ve got a few days off to pack and make final arrangements, and then, voilà! I’m in England, easy as that.

I realize that your lives are flaccid and dull compared to mine, but unfortunately, for the next while, I won’t be able to break that sad monotony with daily posts. You’ll just have to muddle along without my quotidian offerings of wisdom. I really will try to keep up with this as much as I can, but right now I’m feeling up to my neck in complete insanity; and for once, the source is outside my own head.

What’s making me happy, though, is the long list of things I won’t miss about this job: the woman in the adjacent cubicle, for example, who laughs like she’s practicing Lamaze while stoned on PCP. The guy in the cubicle next to hers, who argues on the phone constantly with his girlfriend/mother of his unplanned child (oops!). The tech support guy who shows up to work at least once a week in overalls, despite the fact that he is neither a house painter nor a toddler. My anti-ergonomic chair, which lurks in my office like Kato on wheels, waiting to spring out and attack my defenceless spine every morning.

Also on that list: office farewell luncheons. I’m already gritting my teeth in anticipation of the final indignity of being dragged to some dingy, mediocre restaurant (vegan menu option? Yum, salad!) and forced to answer the question, “Are you excited?” yet another eight-point-five BILLION times. (“No. I move overseas all the time. Did it just last week, in fact.”)

Anyway, here’s a lurid confession to make you realize just how much of a creep I am and thus miss me less during my impending semi-absence: I just got back from drinking a nice cup of tea outside in the sunshine. (But wait! There’s more!) When I had just sat down, a huge nasty bug did a kamikaze dive right into my boiling hot tea. Not even remotely fazed, I scooped out the expired insect with my fingers (ow hot ow!) and calmly drank the tea. It was like Survivor on a park bench. I’m disgusting.