2004-05-07

I sat through the dying throes of Friends last night because I was bored: sadly, the show did nothing to alleviate that condition. I�ve seen detergent commercials less painfully predictable. (Can Tide beat the leading competitor in getting out grass stains? My god, I can�t bear the suspense!) In homage to the series, I think the phrase �Will Ross and Rachel get together?� should be immortalized in the vernacular lexicon on the list of questions like �Does a bear piss in the woods?� and �Is the Pope Catholic?� Of course they got together. Of course there was a �dramatic� last-minute declaration of love at the airport. And of course, the only funny thing about the entire show was the laughable attempt to cover up Courtney Cox�s visible pregnancy as her supposedly-sterile character awaited the birth of her surrogate child(ren). Was Friends ever funny? It must have been at some point, but in the last agonizing few seasons it has plummeted down the funny scale to a level below �whoopee cushion� and only marginally above �Carrot Top.� In order to squeeze some meagre drops of entertainment out of the whole pathetic debacle, I�m considering starting a pool to predict which cast member will be the first to appear in a long-distance commercial. (My money is firmly in your square, David Schwimmer!)

My parents are flying in from Calgary tomorrow to bid me a final adieu. I suspect they�re among the aforementioned throngs of people making a last-ditch effort to pretend they like me; and since they�re related to me, it�s the law that they have to spend money to do so. Bring on the financial substitute for emotional intimacy! This weekend I feast!