2004-04-23

My apologies for the neglect of late. I’m trying to keep up with at least four updates a week, but I’ve got trans-Atlantic move issues constantly on the go, and I’ve been really busy at work. And the fucked-up part about that last part is that the work craziness is not only tolerable, but verging on enjoyable at times. I’m not quite sure what to make of it.

What I have realized is this: I should never, ever, EVER be in any remotely service-related position ever again. EVER. For my entire working career up to this point, I’ve been in jobs where the basic premise of my employment was as follows: a) someone needs a service in short order; b) they ask me for it; c) I provide it; d) I pretend I don’t loathe the very fact of their pestilent existence. Item ‘d’ always posed a bit of a challenge for me. Those characteristics remained the same whether I was dodging journalists’ phone calls in the Minister’s office or slinging pints in a filthy pub owned by filthy coke-snorting Greeks. That is, up until now. Since I’ve established myself as the “sundry ad hoc planning documents girl,” I can go entire days at a stretch without having another human being set foot in my office. My director sends me assignments through e-mail, and, deadlines permitting, I can complete those assignments when and how I choose.

This has resulted in some very strange side effects. I’ve found myself behaving in uncharacteristic and unaccountable ways. For example, when someone does come into my office now and then, I don’t sigh, roll my eyes, and wish summary evisceration upon them. And I don’t spend my days avoiding work and plotting revenge. In fact, I’m beginning to doubt my status as a dyed-in-the-wool misanthrope. It seems almost as though I don’t hate humanity as a whole, as long as its composite parts refrain from constantly asking me for stupid things.

I don’t quite know how to function without my sneering cynicism. I don’t know any other way of dealing with the world. I’m wandering around in a creepy benevolent fugue state, not hating people, like some skanky mouldy-haired hippie reject fuck.

Hey! Looks like I still hate hippies. That’s alright then.