Newest Archives Contact Guestbook Profile Photos Host

2004-04-21

This morning I heard one of my adjacent-cubicle-mates opining quite seriously to a co-worker that she refuses to watch organized sports: not doesn�t watch, but refuses to watch. Also: �I won�t watch any TV program that has a continuing story. Even sitcoms, if there�s a story that continues over more than one episode. I�ll watch a program once, and if I have to tune in the next week to find out what happens, I won�t watch it again. I don�t like being a slave to television.� She was very intent about this.

Way to take a stand, eh? Stick it to the man, sister! People weird me out. This woman has obviously put thought and effort into this decision. The very fact of a story arc has struck her, somehow, as sinister � a ploy on the part of television producers to rob her of precious free time. For the sake of freedom of choice, never will a single second of The Gilmore Girls disgrace her television set. Never, I say!

In my opinion, if you�re going to go out of your way to take a decisive stance on media consumption, or on anything, really, you should go all the way and expend the marginal added effort it would take to develop an opinion that isn�t catastrophically retarded. It�s television, for God�s sake! Conspiracy theories and unpleasant statistics are ripe for the picking � in fact, they�re on TV! Television will tell you why it is bad! All you have to do is watch the evening news once in a while and a story is bound to turn up about the influence of television on the development of ADD or its suppressive effect on the metabolism or the worrisome emergence of a post-literate society or OH GOD WON�T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN or whatever. You can�t swing a remote control without hitting some paranoid naysaying about television. And out of all that, you�ve firmly decided to avoid�continuing storylines?? That�s like reading about nutrition, and then deciding to avoid peas because of the disproportionate amount of energy it takes to get small spherical objects to stay on a fork. You�re a tard, and then you�re a RE-TARD, lady.

I also like the implied lack of independent will on this woman's part: obviously, if she catches wind of Jess�s return to Stars Hollow, she will be absolutely powerless to resist the urge to find out how Rory will react. Will Rory fall under Jess�s bad-boy spell again? WILL SHE??? MERCIFUL JESUS, I CAN NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT AGAIN!

I�ve crafted a memo, to be sent anonymously, to aid my intrepid co-worker in her valiant battle against serial plotting: �Dear Fuckwit: TIVO. Look into it.�

previous | next