2004-03-18

I took yesterday off work to deal with a minor personal emergency (a crisis along the lines of, “It’s what o’clock? This cannot be, for I am still sleepy!”). I sincerely hope you’ve all tenderized your livers to perfection with a festive spectrum of green beers. Someone has to be having a good time around here now that I’ve cut refined fun out of my diet.

I’m going to cheat on my no-fun regime a little next week, though, as I’m heading off to Toronto. I may not see the Best Friend again for several years, so I’m taking a few vacation days and doing it up right. It’s amazing how much I’m looking forward to just being outside of this city. I miss traveling like crack. Lately I’ve had the overwhelming urge to do things like buy undersized cosmetic products and stand in line-ups with a suitcase. I want to hear somebody asking to see my passport. Why doesn’t anyone want to see my passport? Won’t someone please give me half of a lukewarm Pepsi in a plastic cup? A few stale pretzels? I’m begging you, please, just tell me an oxygen mask will fall from the ceiling! TELL ME HOW TO LOCATE THE NEAREST EMERGENCY EXIT!