2004-03-16

Best snippet of conversation overheard today:

“Why do I get the sense that everyone is stupid and ugly?”

Dude, if I could answer that, I’d have…well, even fewer friends than I do now.

But what I really want to know is this: will kitten sweatshirts ever be reclaimed in the name of fashion irony? It’s the next logical step in meta-fashion; it would usher in the new post-post-post-modern era of self-conscious style. Ironic clothing is in desperate need of a breath of fresh air – the “pretend hick” look has been Indied to death. “Look at my mesh-backed baseball cap! I’m a yokel! Except not really!” And now it’s become such established irony that it’s no longer ironic, and it has become Ashton Kutcher, which isn’t cool no matter how much your roll your eyes.

Kitten sweatshirts are the next It thing, I’m here to tell you. Here are a few potential ensembles for you to step out in the next time you’re gadding about with the local scenesters:

Floral-print leggings with “It’s not PMS, I’m always bitchy” T-shirt. No added irony points if you’re a boy, because that’s just SO facile.

Teal blazer with shoulder pads, accessorized with nautical-print scarf and gold-plated “guardian angel” broach.

Denim jacket with Mickey Mouse appliqué, worn over stirrup pants with Keds.

And the classic: Pink sweatshirt with “Kitten in basket” motif, paired with pleated corduroy pants.

You’ll be hailed as a pop culture visionary. Trust me!