2004-02-26

The faceless army of Spam dispatchers is becoming cultured, it seems: I was recently sent an ad for “male enhancement” under the subject header “Byzantium.” That’s kind of an abstruse way to sell barely-legal genital enlargement products, isn’t it? “An aged man is but a paltry thing…And therefore I have sailed the seas and come / All over the holy city of Byzantium!”

I do hope the trend catches on of using classical references to sell spurious potency enhancers. The possibilities are endless.

Ozymandias, Wang of Kings: “Look upon my goods, ye mighty, and despair!”

Grecian Urn Eternal Erection: “More happy love! more happy, happy love! / For ever hard and still to be enjoy'd, / For ever panting, and for ever young.”

Cocksley Hall Creme: “In spring, a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of poon.”

I warn you, I could do this all day.