2004-02-10

Things at work are oddly good. I�m in a surreal honeymoon phase with the old-but-new job: they still have no idea what to do with me, so they keep handing me projects that nobody else wants anything to do with, sending me off into a corner, and forgetting I exist. And that, coincidentally, is exactly the kind of work environment in which I thrive. Nobody knows what I do, so nobody comes round to bother me to do it � I�m not even on the directorate�s phone list. How great is that? I�ve been toying with the idea of just unplugging the phone and putting it in a drawer.

So far, the projects I�ve been given include the work plan for the unit, the �Performance Management Agreements� (for which read: �Bling Blargle Bloop�) for the unit, the human resources plan, and the directorate�s business plan. It is one of my most dearly held beliefs that these sorts of �proactive,� �synergistic,� �results-based� executive planning activities are a blighted heap of flaming dosh; but since I haven�t been asked to believe these uninspiring wads of toilet paper � only produce them � they�re proving kind of fun to fuck around with. Previous offerings from this and other directorates are almost endearingly nonsensical: they�re like Dr Seuss for the suit-and-tie set.

Our boffo new Strategic Plan
Is Client-Centred! It began
With Horizontal Partnerships
And Integrated Leadership!
With Streamlined Accountability,
Enhanced Maneuverability,
And Sector-Wide Positioning,
A Skills-Based Approach is just the thing!

So for the next three months and three weeks (but who�s counting?) I get to write soothing bedtime stories for the upwardly mobile. Oh, sometime I think about what I get paid and laugh. Ha ha ha!