2004-02-10

Things at work are oddly good. I’m in a surreal honeymoon phase with the old-but-new job: they still have no idea what to do with me, so they keep handing me projects that nobody else wants anything to do with, sending me off into a corner, and forgetting I exist. And that, coincidentally, is exactly the kind of work environment in which I thrive. Nobody knows what I do, so nobody comes round to bother me to do it – I’m not even on the directorate’s phone list. How great is that? I’ve been toying with the idea of just unplugging the phone and putting it in a drawer.

So far, the projects I’ve been given include the work plan for the unit, the “Performance Management Agreements” (for which read: “Bling Blargle Bloop”) for the unit, the human resources plan, and the directorate’s business plan. It is one of my most dearly held beliefs that these sorts of “proactive,” “synergistic,” “results-based” executive planning activities are a blighted heap of flaming dosh; but since I haven’t been asked to believe these uninspiring wads of toilet paper – only produce them – they’re proving kind of fun to fuck around with. Previous offerings from this and other directorates are almost endearingly nonsensical: they’re like Dr Seuss for the suit-and-tie set.

Our boffo new Strategic Plan
Is Client-Centred! It began
With Horizontal Partnerships
And Integrated Leadership!
With Streamlined Accountability,
Enhanced Maneuverability,
And Sector-Wide Positioning,
A Skills-Based Approach is just the thing!

So for the next three months and three weeks (but who’s counting?) I get to write soothing bedtime stories for the upwardly mobile. Oh, sometime I think about what I get paid and laugh. Ha ha ha!