2004-02-04

Crazy bike guy is back! Not the guy with the bomb whistle � this is an entirely separate crazy bike guy. Ottawa has more than its fair share of wackos on wheels, it seems.

Crazy bike guy can be seen riding around Ottawa on his bicycle. He�s out fairly often: I usually saw him at least once a week last winter, although yesterday was my first sighting this year. In his case, the crazy is belied by his choice of attire. No matter what the weather, he�s always wearing shorts and a T-shirt. No hat, no scarf, no gloves � just baggy shorts and a thin white T-shirt, and sneakers. Riding his bike. Through the snow. I�ve seen him out in minus-twenty-degree weather, face red, chapped hands clenched in a death grip on the handlebars, riding determinedly through a blizzard.

In a warmer climate, this guy would be a candidate for What Not to Wear. In Canada, he�s a candidate for electroshock therapy, not to mention death. I don�t understand. I can understand believing, say, that Jesus is talking to you through your toaster. Hell, he may be; I�d listen to my toaster over Pat Robertson any day. But how can you believe that February in Ottawa is a good time to get a tan, when every nerve in your body is screaming evidence to the contrary? What kind of self-mortifying delusion are you under? Did your toaster tell you to do this? PUT ON SOME PANTS!

I worry about crazy bike guy. One day he�s going to just slide into a snowbank and die, never realizing that his frat hazing actually ended ten years ago.