2003-11-10

This morning I had to bust my butt for three hours scrambling to find information to prep the Minister for a phone interview. Much to my intense irritation, I found I couldn’t log on to the online tracking system, meaning that I didn’t have access to the entire departmental database of briefing documents. Curses! I called the help desk, and, during the course of the call, mentioned in passing that I’d recently moved from my old job up to the Minister’s office, thinking that I perhaps needed to have my profile updated. The “help” technician promptly deleted my account.

“I’ll have to create a new account, because of the licensing agreements,” she explained, “help”-fully.

“Well, I need to get into the system right away,” I said.

“Unfortunately, creating an account takes a couple of days,” she replied.

I wasn’t feeling very helped at this point. I was forced to whip out the big guns.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but that’s not acceptable. I need to have access to the system within the hour.”

She got huffy. “Well, we have procedures we have to follow.”

“I understand that,” I snitted. “But it’s absolutely imperative that I be able to do research right now.”

“There’s nothing I can do.”

“I have an information request from the Minister,” I said. “She has a phone interview in two hours and I need to do research.”

Then I kept using the words “MINISTER’S OFFICE” until she cried and did what I told her. Ha ha! I am drunk on power! Ha ha! I said “absolutely imperative”!

You know, I’ve heard it said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But I prefer to think of it this way: you can bash more maggots with a hammer than you can with a feather duster.