2003-08-15

We'll wait for the blackout
The light is too bright
We'll wait for the blackout
Wait for the night

The Damned

Come sit on my knee, children, and I’ll tell you about the Great Blackout of Aught-Three. I’ll have to embellish a bit, however, because Ottawans are fucking PUSSIES, and there wasn’t the least bit of raping and pillaging to be had last night.

Naturally, when shit went down I kept my wits about me and quickly surmised that circumstances could be turned to my advantage: to wit, I’d been provided with a completely legitimate excuse to get fucked up on a weeknight. I immediately jammed six beers down my gullet. Fortunately, I was fully prepared for any emergency, having a decent stash of beer in the apartment – British ale, no less, which didn’t suffer greatly for being somewhat lacking in refrigeration. When that ran out, I ventured bravely forth into the night. I was hoping for a scene of anarchistic mayhem, with looting and rioting and the rest of it, but was treated to a load of Norman Rockwell bullshit – people gathering on their candlelit porches, calling out greetings to passers-by, merrily dividing up their emergency beer rations. Assholes.

Upon arriving at the Byward Market, I discovered that Zaphod’s, for some reason, has a generator. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is how seriously we take drinking here in Canada. We’ll close our hospitals before we close our fucking pubs. Luckily I had some cash in my wallet and so didn’t have to pawn my ass for beer money; and I got to sit in the dark and drink chilled lager almost as though nothing was amiss.

You can imagine my chagrin upon awakening to find the power back on. I’m here at work with a mild-to-middling hangover, cursing the efficiency of the hard-working…electricity…people, who undoubtedly slaved through the night to get everything working again. What, they couldn’t wait until, say, noon, like civilized people? They’re fucking UNION, for Chrissakes.

Anyway, I’m off to Toronto for the weekend. Catch you on the flipside. Except that I didn’t actually just use the phrase “catch you on the flipside.” Apparently there’s a blackout in my brain. Adieu.