2003-08-13

I’m not feeling totally up to an ordered presentation of ideas today, so I present for your perusing pleasure a Smorgasbord of Random Stuff.

First of all, LB would like to know exactly how I managed to lock myself out of my room yesterday. Well, that’s none of your damn business.

I kid. Here’s a quick recap of the latest episode of Robin is a Fucking Idiot. My room is FUCKING HOT at night, because, as I may have mentioned, Ottawa these days is a cross between a greenhouse and the seventh circle of Hell. I have a door in my room leading to the fire escape, but I couldn’t open it for fresh air because my animals would take the opportunity to perform an homage to Homeward Bound, only with more traffic deaths. The bedroom door didn’t shut properly, so I couldn’t lock them out. However, someone very kindly repaired the doorknob for me this weekend, so I’ve been sleeping with the door to the fire escape wide open – I figure that rapists just have it so darn hard these days, what with the breaking and the entering, and the grabbing in darkened alleys. Why not just give them a break? Anyway, in my enthusiasm for recklessly opening and closing the bedroom door, I neglected to observe that said door, in fact, LOCKS, leading to a lot of panicked rattling and pushing on the door yesterday morning. I was freaking out until my sister sleepily observed that I could easily just go around the back of the building and get in via the fire escape, like a potential rapist. Duh.

Moving on. My wanton use of the word “retard” was bound to lead to backlash someday. Today is not that day. However, here is some mail I received this morning from my Special Friend J, which ought to light a fire under the tight asses of any potential finger-shakers:

Dear Robin-lady,

I speak on behalf of the army of the handicapped. We must wage war every day against the hordes of The Cruel. This includes you and your anti-Retard site. Do you know what it means to wage war? War waging is a tough racket especially when you’re fucking retarded. No one will fall in line and everyone just wants to hug one another. It’s a hard life. An uphill climb. If Sisyphus had been retarded he would probably have remarked, “I love you, Big Mr. Rock”. If this seems rambling it's because typing with your teeth really does derail your train of thought...

Ha ha!

And, in conclusion, here’s an example of what I do all day at work. Hooray for Photoshop.