2002-11-25

Just for your information, "Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying" by Belle and Sebastian is a very perky little song, despite what the title may indicate. I just downloaded it this weekend and it's been stuck in my head for two days straight. "The Only One I Know," by the Charlatans? Also good.

I was in the corner store yesterday buying bus tickets, and there was an older lady in there with a Pomeranian. I'm not a fan of small dogs as a rule, but this little beast seemed friendly enough - it came up and sniffed me, so I crouched (WAAAAY) down and petted it. The woman then proceeded to snottily tell me not to pet her dog. The hell? Um, fuck you, cuntface. Your little rat on a rope came up and sniffed me. If you'd prefer that I kick it across the store, that could be arranged. If not, please keep the Tribble with legs under control, or shut up your bitch face.

It interests me to note that the word "sonofabitching" has made it into the Canadian Oxford dictionary: "used as an intensifier, esp. expressing hatred or disgust." Well, I'll certainly be adding THAT to my personal lexicon! Lord knows I need new expletives. There really should be MORE expletives in the English language, in my opinion. Having so few really makes it hard for me. I swear like a sailor with Tourette's Syndrome pretty much constantly, so when something happens that necessitates the expression of strong negative emotion, I come up rather short. I mean, I whipped out "Goddamn motherfucking cunt-sucking piece of shit craphole fucking FUCKS!" the other day when I found out that my local hardware store is closed on Sundays (what are they, fucking Mormons or something? What the fuck kind of retail business is closed on Sundays?). Since my Swear-O-Meter is turned up to eleven pretty much all the time, it would be hard for me to crank up the juice to express that something was actually out of the ordinary if, say, I experienced third-degree burns on my face or some such. I'd be at a complete loss. This might lead you to think that I should look into cleaning up the old commode mouth a bit. But you know what? I quit smoking. I quit doing drugs. I don't even eat MEAT, for fucking Christ's sake. I've got to have a vice or I'll snap, and if I snap, I'm coming for YOU, you sonofabitching motherfuckers.